Sacrifices we make
by Sinian
Summary: - "I have reached the point where I need to tell someone or it'll destroy me..." - The story of a love that wasn't meant to be because in the end, Byakuya chooses his fukutaichou. - Byakuya/? leading to Byakuya/Renji - Oneshot, based on a WK fic by Soryu


**Author:** Sinian  
**Title:** Sacrifices we make  
**Rating:** PG-14  
**Pairing:** _Byakuya/?_ at first, leading to _Byakuya/Renji_  
**Warnings:** angst (and English is not my first language)  
**Summary: **"I have reached the point where I need to tell someone or it'll destroy me, constantly gnawing at me until I'm nothing more than a fading memory..." - The story of a love that wasn't meant to be because in the end, Byakuya chooses his fukutaichou.  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never will be.

I'd like to dedicate this to my dear Ceres for being such a wonderful friend to me. *hugs*

Once again it took me an eternity (*cougheightmonthscough*) to get from the first idea to be ready to post the finished fic but I guess I'm just that slow.

Hope you like it!

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**Sacrifices we make**

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Excuse me? Oh no, the seat isn't taken. Please, sit down. I don't mind the company.

Actually... would you do me a favor? No, of course it's nothing dangerous. All I'm asking for is that you would be so kind to stay with me for a little while and listen to my story. I have never told anyone of this whole situation before and I'm sure it would help me a lot. You know, to get it all off my mind and I think that I could be honest with you listening to it. You're a stranger and we'll probably never meet again, that's what makes it easier for me. To talk about all this to those who are close to you... that would be really awkward. But I can't take it anymore, I have reached the point where I _need_ to tell someone or it'll destroy me, constantly gnawing at me until I'm nothing more than a fading memory... Excuse me, I'm rambling and being overly melodramatic. It's just that I'm really wearing thin, so to speak.

You have time to listen? Oh, that is truly wonderful. Thank you. You don't have to say anything at all, if you don't want to. Apparently you have already guessed it, it is all about a relationship. Well, if you could call it a relationship, that is. But let me start at the beginning.

My problem is that I'm in love.

I know what you're thinking now. While most people might say that this is something wonderful, something that should make you float around happily with a warm and tingly feeling, my thoughts of the one I love has some bitter aspects as well. Oh yes, I really do love him, with every fiber of my being, but I can never be the one he truly wants, the one he _needs_.

You might be shocked now that I have said '_him_', but there's no denying it. It might sound weird and completely out of my place, but I have indeed fallen for a _man_. And I have fallen all the way. To love a man the way I do, that is still considered a taboo in the heads of the people, regardless of the progress on tolerance in our world, and I know that I get frowned upon for my attachment to him, but that's just how it is.

I have known him for a long time now, actually since the day he was born. I remember it as if it was yesterday. The air was cold and it had snowed the night before so that it looked as if the whole world was covered with a thick white blanket. I was outside on the wooden porch of the house with Kuchiki Ginrei-san and was enjoying the sun and the fresh scent of the winter morning – along with a cup of tea – when a servant of the Kuchiki household approached and announced that just an hour ago Kuchiki-sama had given birth to a boy.

For the last few month the pregnancy had been the main topic of every discussion inside the mansion and all over Soul Society. The whole Kuchiki family had been excited and they all hoped for it to be a boy who someday would take over the position as head of the family.

And then I met him myself. There he was, sleeping in his mother's arms while one of his tiny hands clasped her little finger. I have never seen a baby that seemed more perfect to me and I have met many. Ginrei-san must have had the same thoughts as well because when he carefully held his grandchild in his arms, he showed one of his rare smiles and the love that radiated from his eyes was mesmerizing. Suddenly Byakuya woke up and blinked his large gray eyes. He reached out for me and when he got a hold of me, he chuckled in such an adorable way that it made me truly happy.

Yes, you are right. That's his name. I'm in love with no other than Kuchiki Byakuya, 28th head of the noble Kuchiki clan. I have told you that it's a really difficult situation, haven't I? But I have still a lot to tell you so you can start to grasp the sheer extent of my problems.

Over the years I have seen him grow up to become an arrogant and hot tempered child who could also be rather mischievous from time to time. I myself have been the target of some of his pranks but there was never a real harm done. Although after the last one Byakuya was thoroughly scolded by his grandfather in a calm but firm way and apparently took his words to heart because he never did anything involving me again.

He really looked up to Ginrei-san, not only because it was expected of him to follow in his footsteps as head of the clan, but he was also Captain of the 6th division and Byakuya's goal was to succeed him in this position as well. Therefore he took his training very seriously and soon it was apparent that he had outstanding talent as well as the willpower to succeed.

As circumstances demanded I haven't seen as much of him during his youth as I wished to, although from time to time we have met at the Kuchiki mansion. However I followed his development through his time at the academy and of course I was there when he graduated. I have never seen Ginrei-san more proud and I'm sure that there were tears of joy gathering in the corner of his eyes. But he had every right to. Not only was Byakuya at the very top of his class, he even got a position as a _seated officer_ in one of the divisions right away. Everyone was sure that it would only be a few more years until he made it Fukutaichou and considering his ambitions and determination he was also bound to reach Bankai in the future.

Looking back, that might be the time when I first started to look at Byakuya in a different way. I wish I could show you a picture of him, but unfortunately I haven't got any. No picture could possibly capture all the perfection and grace that he embodies anyway. Whenever we met, and even if it was a very short encounter, I couldn't help but admire him. The graceful movements, the steel in his eyes (both in color and in the expression of his willpower), the way his hair gleamed in the sun, the delicately curved nose, the…

Pardon me? Oh yes, you are right. I should not indulge in some romantic daydream but if you ever had the chance to actually meet him in person you might understand me a little better. He is truly amazing. But I wanted to tell you about the relationship between me and him.

While he advanced through the ranks of the division we hadn't many chances to meet but of course I was well informed about his achievements. As predicted it wasn't long until he was made 3rd seat and every member of the family was holding their nose even higher than usual for quite some time. Byakuya was their perfect heir after all.

That's why I was more than just a little embarrassed when I realized that my admiration and interest in him had gradually turned to become something more. I clearly remember that day when I saw him in the garden of the Kuchiki mansion. It was early morning and he was coming back to the house after a walk to enjoy the cherry blossoms that resembled his zanpakutou so much. The sun gleamed in his hair and there was a smile on his face that he only wore because he was convinced that no one was watching him. He obviously was at one with the world, and I felt guilty for spying on him, even if it was completely by accident.

It wasn't befitting for someone like him to even _think_ about becoming romantically involved with me. So I buried my hopes deep down and told myself every time we met that I should _not_ do this – not look at him like this and surely not hope for something that would never come true. Unfortunately it was way too late to change the way I feel and the desire to touch him and show him just that was overwhelming. The consequence was that I evaded him on purpose – as well as I'd been able to do so – to just reduce the hurt it caused me, tugging at me and making me tremble all over. I'm not even sure if I was able to conceal the truth from the people around me but if they noticed they kept it to themselves. It was hard to cope, you know, but I managed for a long time.

Then one day there was an uproar all over the Kuchiki mansion when Byakuya announced that he would marry a woman who not only was a commoner but was even from the 78th district of Rukongai. You can imagine that his family wasn't pleased at all and tried their best to change his mind and stop the marriage but Byakuya didn't back down. Obviously his love for her was stronger than anything his family could threaten him with and he didn't care that he broke the rules by accepting her into the Kuchiki clan.

How I felt hearing that? Oh yes, you are right. At first there was denial. I thought that it was just a misunderstanding that evolved into a rumor but that wasn't long. The next was hurt combined with raging jealousy that made me tremble whenever I thought about it. Ginrei-san was in an awful mood for several days on end and over the whole Kuchiki estate there was a general air of brooding that put everyone from head of the clan down to the lowest servant on edge.

However, Hisana – that's her name – was a very gentle and caring woman who gradually managed to turn the resentment concerning herself into some kind of reluctant respect. Not everyone's of course. When I first met her I was amazed at her kind character and even though she didn't speak very much there was always a certain importance in her words. Soon I realized that I simply couldn't hate her, in fact I liked her a lot and the jealousy was reduced to a dull ache. Everyone could see that she made Byakuya truly happy and even if I had to face the fact that it wasn't and never would be me who did this, in the end I accepted it. Unfortunately their time together was short, for soon Hisana fell ill and after only five years of marriage she died.

Thank you for your sympathies... No, I'm all right, just give me a few moments to regain my composure.

Yes, of course, Byakuya was utterly crushed although he tried not to show any of it, but those who knew him very well noticed the telltale signs and carefully offered their help. It hurt me to see him shut out everyone, even the people closest to him, and suffer all alone on the inside. That was the time when he perfected his notorious inapproachable countenance that he built to protect himself but that made him so very lonely at the same time.

Then it started all over again with the adoption of Rukia into the Kuchiki clan. No one understood his motives and they all saw only that with another commoner allowed into the family there was yet another scandal of Kuchiki Byakuya breaking the rules. This time I didn't judge Rukia beforehand and trusted Byakuya although I didn't see much of her until a few years later.

Having defied his family for a second time Byakuya changed even more and in the end there was no trace left of the lively boy I fell for. Oh please, don't get me wrong, I still loved him deeply but it was as if he had cut out the part of himself that was able to have emotions until all that was left was an empty shell. It made me so very sad. No, thank you, I don't need a tissue. Just...

Several years had passed and Byakuya had not only reached Bankai and claimed Ginrei-san's position as Captain of the 6th division but also succeeded his grandfather as head of the house. I was so proud. And then, _finally_, I was allowed to become a part of his life. You can imagine the pure joy and happiness I felt when we touched each other for the first time in earnest, not like those sporadic and fleeting contacts I had to be satisfied with. Then suddenly we were in his private rooms and he ran his hands all over me, caressing and stroking, again and again and I swear I could see a tiny smile curling his lips that made me tremble with anticipation. I hoped so much that this new bond between us would become strong enough to withstand every pressure they might put upon us.

Suddenly Byakuya lifted me up and a moment later I shyly touched his neck. All I could do was marvel at the pale smoothness and perfection that he called his skin and feel the silky strands of his hair for the first time. I was in heaven. Later we were outside on his private porch in comfortable silence with a cup of hot tea and watched the sunset over Seireitei. This day will always be in my mind as a perfect day.

As you might have guessed already, it was the beginning of a wonderful time we spent together. While his duties as a Captain occupied him a lot, we often found the time to exchange little caresses during the days and I'm not even beginning to talk about the nights. Sometimes – unfortunately not nearly as often as I wish it to happen – Byakuya would simply sit at his desk with me reassuringly curled around him, close his eyes and draw small circles with his fingers all over me. Then I sigh softly and enjoy the feeling of his delicate and yet so strong hands that will bring death to every enemy.

He's never hurt me, not physically anyway and surely not on purpose but occasionally I could see his mind drift away to a place only he knows. He never told me about it and I felt a little neglected but instead I embraced and reassured him that no matter what, I would always be there for him. Byakuya also never said sorry for the pranks he had pulled at me when he was a boy, but in my opinion he never had to anyway.

There were nights (very rare though) when the thought of Hisana overwhelmed him so much that he simply _had_ to talk about it or he would drown in his darkened mind. Then I was there, quietly listening to his pleasant voice thick with unshed tears and all I could do was hold him in a silent promise. Every now and then he lost the fight and his tears spilled from his eyes onto me while I just held on and gave him my warmth.

When he calmed down again and finally fell asleep I always watched over him the whole night long because after one of his emotional breakdowns he was often haunted by nightmares that got him tossing and turning in his sleep. Although he might never admit it, he takes comfort out of my presence and I'm glad that I'm able to help him. I'm sure that I am the one who knows him best but then again there's so much that he keeps even from me. But I'm not complaining, on the contrary, I'm happy to be able to love him like this.

Why I'm feeling this blue when everything was looking great between us, you ask? Well, apparently the whole situation was all too good to be true and there were certain... _complications_. You know there's an occasional dark cloud in every relationship, but ours was a storm brewing at the horizon that gradually and inevitably darkened the whole sky with it's promise of lightning and thunder.

Yes, thank you, I really have to calm down again but that isn't easy to do while thinking about... I'm sorry but I'm always trembling when this subject comes up. Thank you, I'm fine.

There was a subtle change in Byakuya's behavior and at first I ignored the signs telling myself that it was nothing and that I'm over dramatizing. Only someone who _really_ knows him would have picked these up anyway, for everyone else he remained the detached noble he always displayed.

It all started when he got himself a new Lieutenant.

At first it all went surprisingly well even though he came from the 11th division. During the incident of Rukia's execution – you know, she's a childhood friend of his – he proved to be a strong and capable Fukutaichou even though he defied Byakuya by disobeying his orders. Looking back now it seems that we all lost something along the way and didn't survive completely unscarred after all.

Who he is? Haven't I mentioned it before? Oh, forgive me. His name is Abarai Renji and just like Rukia he was born in the 78th district of Rukongai and orphaned at a very young age. You can imagine that his manners aren't always the best. In fact he is rebellious, loud and bold and I have to be honest, sometimes I call him 'stray dog' because he is so much the opposite of everything Byakuya stands for.

When finally the war against Aizen and his Arrancar was won and peace had a chance to return to Soul Society he proved to be in fact a very good and loyal Lieutenant. Even though the two of them were like fire and ice they worked together very effectively and I could see that there was some kind of respect that has grown between him and Byakuya. I was glad, not only for Byakuya but also for Rukia since Abarai is her oldest friend after all.

It all began very subtle. Byakuya more often than before came home after a long day and when we sat together in his garden enjoying a cup of tea his gaze would wander across the scenery, unfocussed and – I'm reluctant to even use this word in the same sentence with his name – dreamy. But the day I realized for the first time, that there was a soft, barely there smile on his face I started wondering just what was happening to _my_ Byakuya.

Yes, that's what I call him in secret and I almost want to blush for having said it out loud for the first time ever. You can imagine that he doesn't like to be called something like that, not even Hisana was allowed to do so. Can I trust you not to tell him? Oh, good. Thank you so much.

The next thing I noticed was that he started to occasionally call his Fukutaichou 'Renji' and every time it felt like a blunt needle piercing my body. Apparently I instinctively knew that something was wrong although it wasn't until the incident at the training grounds on 'Recruits Day'.

What this is, you ask? Well, every division once in a while is looking for new members and it's the job if the Fukutaichou to test them and their fighting abilities. As you may guess, it is quite a lot of work and due to the rather warm day Abarai had shrugged out of the upper part of his uniform in the middle of the event, much to the delight of the female spectators. All I could think was what a showoff he is.

But the more I watched him fight that day the more I had to admit that he really was a very unique sight. His strong muscled body was decorated by black tribal tattoos all over his chest, back and arms, in contrast to this was his fiery red hair that always appears to be just barely tamed in the usual high ponytail. A thin sheen of sweat covered his skin so that he gleamed in the sun. His movements were graceful, just enough to dodge the attacks of the recruits but he never had to go out of his way to do so. Every minute of the fight he showed them who exactly was in control of it without letting it be too obvious.

Excuse me? No, I was _not_ admiring Abarai. I was merely stating the facts and trying to understand better what was going on.

Anyway, I could see that everyone had their eyes on him and even Byakuya was standing at the open window of his office to watch the event. Then suddenly he was down in the training grounds and the spectators reverentially moved aside to let him through. Abarai though was completely oblivious to his Taichou being present.

When at last he sheathed his sword and turned around with a huge grin on his face I could see his eyes widen in surprise the moment he noticed Byakuya standing there and his smile faltered a little. He bowed slightly and when Byakuya brushed past him with a "Well done, Fukutaichou," I could see his fingertips linger for a few moments on Abarai's forearm. I was sure that no one else noticed it, neither the contact that was almost intimate for someone like Byakuya nor the soft gasp and the barely visible blush from Abarai. It was over in a matter of seconds but it made the jealousy that I had buried deep down for such a long time flare again with consuming heat and when I saw the tiny but satisfied smile curl the corner of Byakuya's mouth I _really_ wanted to strangle Abarai.

And that was just the beginning.

Over the next months Byakuya stayed in his office even longer than before and strangely the paperwork had multiplied as well. Although he was grumbling more or less openly that he loathes sitting at a desk and writing stupid reports that eventually get filed and never looked at ever again, Abarai had no saying in that matter and had to stay, too, to help with the huge workload. Strangely enough Abarai's desk had been moved a few meters to the left. At first I didn't know what to make of this but then I realized that since then you have an astoundingly good view of Abarai's profile... if you're sitting at the Captain's desk.

In addition it should have made me suspicious much earlier that Byakuya supervised a lot of the division's training himself although the Fukutaichou was clearly competent enough to handle the matter as he had already proved in the past. For a long time I wondered why he was there in the first place, until one day I noticed something. Every time when he left the training grounds and walked right past Abarai who bowed politely, Byakuya was a lot closer than he normally was comfortable with so that he could lightly touch him.

Looking back I wonder how I could have been so blind. Yes, the signs were all there but apparently I was too preoccupied with whatever it had been to read them right. And there was another thing...

Some time after the winter war ended, Byakuya had made it a habit to invite Rukia over for dinner once a month to get to know her better. Normally Rukia would talk (always in a respectful manner) and he would listen. Sometimes when he was in a very good mood the roles were reversed and he would tell her a little more about the woman her sister had been. Apparently he started to get over Hisana's death little by little and I was really glad to hear him talk like that because every time his eyes lost a bit more of their icy steel.

When Abarai first joined I didn't think too much of it. After all he was Byakuya's Lieutenant and Rukia's oldest friend and so it didn't seem too far fetched that he would be invited as well. Clearly it would be a one time thing, like something you do just to be polite and then it would be just the Kuchiki siblings again, but sadly I was wrong. The next month he was present, too, and I was beginning to get a little suspicious. He was hardly the appropriate man to be in the presence of a Kuchiki but neither did Byakuya get annoyed with his lack of manners nor did Rukia mind, which I could understand, considering their shared past in Rukongai. I still had the hope that in the end Byakuya would get tired of Abarai but instead the time spent together was getting longer and then the dinner appointments changed from once to twice a month. _With_ Abarai still there.

Apparently Rukia knew both better than anyone and must have noticed the signs and the tension between them because suddenly she found excuses to miss dinner. Yes, you are right, that means that there were practically just the two of them. When I first realized that these meetings were something like dates I was again in denial. But then it changed into the burning jealousy again and I knew that I could lose Byakuya to that Abarai if I didn't keep him from coming over for these private appointments. Unfortunately all my efforts were in vain, I wasn't able to stop the things that were already set in motion.

The first time I realized that it was just a matter of time until my whole world would crash all around me was that the night after one of those dinners when Byakuya was fast asleep. He obviously had a very... _pleasurable_ dream if you know what I mean. I hope I haven't embarrassed you now by saying this but even my perfect Byakuya is just a man with certain needs. You understand, I see. Thank you. All I'm saying is that he enjoyed his dream a great deal and when I saw a genuine smile appear on his face I loved him even more. He moaned softly and then sighed a name. "_Renji..._"

I was stunned and very sad. Why did Byakuya dream of Abarai? What does that stray have that I don't? How can I keep him away from that person? These and many other questions were on my mind and I think it's very understandable that I couldn't find any rest until the dawn was breaking. When Byakuya woke up, still smiling softly, I thought that maybe I could make him forget if I held on to him tighter than before. He didn't seem to notice what I tried to let him know, though. The need to keep him for myself was overwhelming but he brushed it aside as if it meant nothing and walked out of his rooms to get to his office for another long day full of boring paperwork.

From then on it all went down the drain fast.

One evening after yet another one of those dinners that have switched to _weekly_ just recently, we were sitting at Byakuya's private porch. It was a beautiful evening with a soft wind rustling the leaves of the trees and the crescent moon flooded the garden with a faint but comforting light. I was surprised that Abarai for once could keep his big mouth shut and the resulting silence seemed not to bother either of them. Byakuya had his eyes closed and apparently was listening to the crickets chirring in the grass while Abarai on the other hand was stealthily glancing over at him every once in a while. He obviously thought that no one would notice this so he winced when Byakuya softly asked without opening his eyes if he was nervous about something and if he would like to know something why he wouldn't just go ahead and _ask_.

That made Abarai fidget a little and after several failed attempts to say something he finally blurted out that he really, _really_ liked Byakuya and that he would like to kiss him. Good grief!

At first I was shocked. How could Abarai be so rude and make such a _blunt_ request? But then I was anxious – and a little bit spiteful I have to admit – at how Byakuya would react to this outburst of his Fukutaichou. Surely he wouldn't let Abarai get away with such an insubordination and I noticed with satisfaction that Senbonzakura was resting right beside its owner. I was prepared for everything... except for the little smirk that curled Byakuya's lips when he cracked an eye open to glance at Abarai and responded that if he really wanted to, he should just go ahead and do it and stop behaving like a teenager on his first date.

I was absolutely stunned. I couldn't believe that Byakuya would ever say something like this but one look at Abarai and I was certain that I hadn't imagined it. The redhead was gaping at him like a stranded fish and it would have been very hilarious if the situation hadn't been so serious. Then Abarai's mouth closed with an audible click and a predatory grin appeared on his face when he answered that he would do just that, thank you very much.

Maybe you can imagine how I felt at that moment when I realized that not only Abarai had made unmistakably clear that he was very much romantically interested in his Taichou but that Byakuya, _my_ Byakuya, seemed to tolerate and even _encourage_ this new development. My whole world of wishful thinking shattered around me and I barely noticed anything until Abarai was directly in front of him and hesitantly ran a finger down Byakuya's cheek and across slightly parted lips. That finally managed to wake me up again. My desperation to prevent the inevitable catastrophe grew and I truly wanted to strangle Abarai to keep him from leaning forward towards Byakuya. But all my efforts were in vain, so in the end I got shoved aside and the two of them met for their very first kiss.

I'm sorry but remembering that day still disturbs me a great deal. No, I'm fine, thank you, just give me a moment to gather myself.

The following events of the evening are still rather blurry for me, only broken pieces of memories, but what I do recall is that what had started out as a hesitant and careful kiss soon evolved into a more... ah... _passionate_ form of lovemaking when Abarai and Byakuya moved inside and settled down on the futon. You might forgive me for not telling the scene in all its details but it simply hurts so much, even after such a long time. Thank you for your compassion, you are too kind.

Meanwhile I lay there on the floor in the dark, curled up in a very sorry looking pile and tried to block out the noises those two made. Sadly I couldn't ignore them, had no choice but to bear it although every moan and every gasp they made tore at me, ripped me into shreds; figuratively speaking of course. I would have never guessed that my Byakuya could be so... _vocal_, but apparently this Abarai had something I had never been able to give him when we had been together in the past and that hurt, too. It made me feel useless and inadequate, especially when Byakuya soon after experienced a most intense release, judging from the sounds of it.

I felt so miserable and honestly I don't know how I made it through the night.

At first I still had the hope that this affair between them was just that, a short episode that would be over as fast as it had started. I told myself that they were so different that it couldn't work anyway, it would be only a matter of time before Byakuya would get tired of this irritating parvenu and eventually put an end to the whole situation. But the more time passed the more their relationship flourished and little by little I had to admit that Byakuya was _truly_ happy with Abarai.

Contrary to my concerns that this newfound closeness would negatively affect their duties within the division, it turned out to help them work even more efficiently together. Precisely because they are so different they are able to complement each other perfectly and some of the lower ranks even started to spread the rumor that they had achieved some kind of telepathy because sometimes all it takes is an exchange of looks to know what the other is thinking. Oh, and if you have already wondered, they clearly separate the professional from their private relationship, and although they don't particular hide it, neither of them care to spread the word around that they are together.

It took a lot of time and I'm still not completely over it – I guess I never will be – but I'm beginning to accept that Abarai is good for Byakuya. He smiles more often and for that, if nothing else, I'm grateful.

I'm still always there for him if he needs any support and there are even times when the two of us are together, just like in the past, before Abarai turned my world upside down. Then we would just sit on Byakuya's private porch and enjoy a cup of tea or just watch the sun set across the garden while I'm always curled around him in a soft embrace and can only marvel once again at the perfection of his skin. Without any reservation I caress him lovingly, give him all my warmth and silently remind him of what we could and would always have together. These moments are when I'm almost happy again; almost, because I know that even then his thoughts are with his Fukutaichou.

I've also come to accept that Byakuya loves Abarai just as much as he on his part loves Byakuya. Everyone who cares to have a closer look is bound to notice this and I wonder how long it takes until the first members of the Kuchiki clan find out about them. The resulting scandal will be the worst in the long history of the family and I swear by everything that I believe in that I _will_ strangle Abarai if he doesn't stand to their relationship.

You might wonder why I still endure this, why I don't just walk away and give him up. Well, even if I _wanted_ to leave him, I simply _can't_. It is my destiny to stay with him and I will stick to this as long as I can. I even know that Byakuya treasures me very dearly and that he'll always look after me. It comforts me a lot but there is still that dull ache deep down inside that he'll never be truly mine.

Well, this is my story and I would like to thank you very much for taking the time and listen to it. Having told you all this really helped and I'm even feeling a lot better than before. Maybe we'll meet again in the future but now I have to say goodbye.

Oh, I haven't introduced myself yet? I am truly sorry for this rudeness and I hope you can forgive me for it. My name is _Ginpaku Kazahana no Uzuginu_, or as Abarai more than once has so eloquently put it "_that damn scarf_", but I would prefer if you don't call me this as well. Thank you.

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Thanks for reading!

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I got the idea for this story by reading a cute oneshot by Ceres (starring a couch and a vase) that reminded me distantly of a fic I'd read many years ago though I couldn't recall neither the author nor the title.

Luckily by now I remembered it: it was a fanfic by Soryu called "Ansichtssache" written in the Weiß Kreuz fandom. I've contacted Soryu right away and got the okay to keep this fic posted. A huge "thank you" again to you!


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